The Virgin Diaries: Episode 5

Written by: Ashley Crawley

Photo courtesy: Decider

Hi, my name is Ashley and I’m a virgin… of The Leftovers, that is. For those just stumbling onto my posts for The Living Reminders for the first time, here's the scoop. I only recently discovered The Leftovers phenomenon and have committed to catching on from the beginning – season one. Actually, let’s say catching “up”… because in Damon Lindelof land, there’s no guarantee one over catches on. And I like that.

Remember how I decided that the last episode ("BJ and the AC") was my least favorite of the season? How I felt maybe I’d rushed to happy judgement in wanting to permanently gorge off The Leftovers buffet?

I recognize that it's been too damn long since I’ve revisited the Virgin Diaries. Sure, work, family and, well, life in general, rear their precious heads and disrupt the best blogging intentions. But also, I can’t help but blame the lackluster taste left in my mouth by "BJ and the AC". It’s sort of like one of those all-you-can-eat sushi buffets, which I LOVE (don’t judge)… you’re excited to eat a crap ton of it, but as soon as you’re wrapped around the porcelain bowl from a bad piece of yellowtail, it’s going to take a bit for you to recover and get your head back in the game.

Well, I’m back, baby. I'm back! Bring on the buffet. Nom nom nom. Thank you, Gladys! And, RIP.

Photo courtesy: The Tracking Board

I. Loved. This. Episode. Admittedly, I feel a little sadistic and guilty that it took the stone cold brutal death of a seemingly innocuous character to reel me back in, but it did. This episode was brilliantly done, in large part thanks to the Patti-Laurie scenes, in my opinion. I feel like we're really on a course now to roll this train into the latter half of the first season and I'm stoked.

So, here we go – Episode 5: Gladys

1. The GR are creepy and also apparently heartless, but violence is never okay for me.  Ever. And I'm a complete wimp when it comes to stomaching it on screen.  With that in mind, I had to block all my senses and have my husband let me know when this opening scene was done... which is hard to do when you've plugged your ears and closed your eyes. Cue him throwing the remote and pelting me in the head.  Hey, it's less painful than rocks.

Photo courtesy: HBO

2. Soooo, my question is how the left-behind GR at the gas station alerted the others that Gladys was missing – did she actually use the phone and call Patti? Do they text? Carrier pigeons with Sharpie notes?

3. And we’ve revisited the ongoing saga that is my brain pondering “is that dog killer dude real or a wonderful delusion of Kevin’s brain?” Definitely real! Today, definitely real. Other people see him and, more importantly, people other than Kevin see the dogs.

Photo courtesy: HBO

4. I love that Kevin just turned off news of the Waco-like cult shootout in which his son his son starred.

5. Truth: I fully support any sci-fi script trick that leaves Justin Theroux without a shirt to wear. Unequivocally.

Gif courtesy: Elitosphere

6. “Are you surprised? We want them to remember something they want to forget… it was only a matter of time.” – Meg, with her best line yet.

7. Early winner for funniest line of the episode: “maybe they’re at the Big E getting yellow pads in bulk.” (to take GR statements). Fantastic.

8. The forced awkward emotional struggle between Kevin and Jill is too much, or as my husband so eloquently reacted, “fucking hug or something. Jeez.”

Photo courtesy: HBO

9. I don’t know why it’s hard for me to believe that with all that’s transpired in this town and in her own life, THIS is the first time Laurie’s had a panic attack. I’m just sayin’.

10. Hall & Oates DOES make everything better. Good call, Patti.

11. This is a non-smoking room. Wait, I might have called the funniest line too early.

12. If you were Laurie and you got a temporary reprieve from the communal oatmeal, silence and smoking, your ass would be ordering pizza and watching a Bravo marathon. I’m certain of it.

13. “Is she ok? She’s Jill. What does that mean? She doesn’t really do ok.” Thank you, Aimee, for reminding us that your BFF really does know you the best.

14. They’ve broken their all-white trend! And Patti’s talking!!!

15. You know that Amish Teens Gone Wild tradition – aka Rumshpringa? The one where they’re allowed to bust off the farm and go balls to the wall before deciding if they want to fully commit themselves to the Amish life? This is like that. “Speak for the day, and the day only.” Gee – thanks, Patti.

16. I like the way Patti orders at a restaurant. A little bit like this (1:50 mark). I’m in.

17. “You know what they say, they’ll turn up once you stop looking for them.” I don’t think we’re talking about the shirts anymore.

18. Also, I’ve decided I need more Kevin-Nora encounters. Like, ASAP.

19. On the one hand, I’m all “really? We think the priest did it?” But then I remember the head bashing in the casino parking lot and I’m like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

20. My dad has this really colorful metaphor he uses for situations where you’re caught in a mess, out of your control. In fairness, he learned it from my Lebanese grandfather so it might be the result of a language gap. At any rate, it applies here for Chief Garvey at this city council meeting. “So there I was, just standing there with my d*ck in my hand.” #classy

Photo courtesy: HBO

21. Wow, if recovering the nativity Baby Jesus was a win for the Chief, this most certainly was NOT.

22. This diner scene – if silent Ann Dowd bowled me over with her performance… talking Ann Dowd for the win.

Photo courtesy: zap2it

23. Who is Neil? Husband?

24. “It’s easier to stay silent than it is to speak the truth. Killing these people is pointless because they’re already dead. What I want is to bring them back to life.”

25. First, bagels. Then Kevin’s shirts. Now dead bodies? What the what!

26. Is she doo doo dashing his doorstep? No, seriously - who is Neil??

Photo courtesy: watchingtheleftovers.com

27. Execute your estranged wife to save a town and come out the hero? That’s quite the hidden proposition. Also, soooo biblical.

28. Kevin's psychopathic rant at the dry cleaners reminded me of Michael Douglas in 1993’s Falling Down. His "missing shirts rampage" begins when he misses the window to order breakfast at McDonald’s by three minutes. If you haven’t seen it, do. He offers a brilliant performance of  the aftermath of someone pushed to the brink finally going over the edge.

Photo courtesy: Time

PS, my money's on those not being his shirts. It was too convenient a wrap-up to this plot point.

29. Meg’s officially gone through the change. Smoking, white, mute. We’re so proud of her. #notreally

30. Huh… those preaching and serving as vigilantes for new hope, new life?  Dressed all in black. Riddle me that.

Photo courtesy: Broadway World

31. The whistles give them a voice to shout. But it also feels like a loophole around the silence clause, sort of like the incessant pad scribbling.

32. Emotion! Hooray.

33. Do places like this exist??? I watch a lot of criminology programming so I’m sure, but I’m also in shock.

Photo courtesy: HBO

Thanks for diving back into season one with me and feel free to relive previous episodes of The Virgin Diaries here:

• “Pilot
• “Penguin One, Us Zero”
• “Two Boats and a Helicopter”
• "BJ and the AC"

Was Gladys' death tough for you? And what the heck happened to Kevin's shirts? 

Do you want more chat about The Leftovers? Get your fix by listening to The Living Reminders Podcast with detailed show discussion and amazing interviews with cast, crew, writers and directors of The Leftovers on HBO.