The Virgin Diaries: Episode 1

Written by: Ashley Crawley

Hi, my name is Ashley and I’m a virgin… of The Leftovers, that is. I’m guilty of intense TV fandom, but somehow missed getting sucked down this wonderfully complicated rabbit hole when it first debuted last year. To be totally honest - I have zero clue what this show is even about, but this image for season one tells me it’s likely not about a two-day-old casserole.

As a diehard Lost fan, I’m ashamed to be late to a Damon Lindelof offering. Then again, it’s Damon Lindelof – so I imagine I’ll be just as confused as if I’d started on time. To be clear – that’s a compliment. This also boasts Peter Berg, who I’m forever indebted to for giving the world Coach and Tammy Taylor and Friday Night Lights.

Season two is kicking off and I like a good challenge. And thanks to the magic of HBO GO, I have committed myself to catching up from the very beginning. Who’s with me?

Now I know most show and book loyalists are so buried in conspiracy and knowledge and deep understanding that the notion of going back to episode one seems like pre-school. It might just be. Here’s hoping my real-time reactions – both serious and ridiculous – find you re-living your first time all over again. You know what they say – you always remember your first time. I digress.

Here we go. Episode 1: Pilot

1. October 14. Since this is a Damon Lindelof show, I should just go ahead and jot down numbers I might need later. 10,14, 3 [years later]

2. This opening is too real – been there, lived that crying baby chaos. I’d like to give this chick a hug and a midday drink.

3. What is that baby looking at? What is that baby looking at?! Something is in the sky! Why won’t the mom look up!? ***Don’t fight the script, Ashley, don’t fight the script.***

4. Oh God, where did that baby go? Mom anxiety kicking in. Worst nightmare. I retract my previous statement; I want nothing like this to be remotely familiar to my life.

5. Is this a religious show? Because right now, it feels a bit like the Left Behind series. In that one, all the believers were swept up. The non-believers were left to live in a hell-like state. Oh hell, if Kirk Cameron turns up, I’m out. Sorry, folks.

6. 140 million people. 2 percent of the population. ***Jots down more numbers, just in case.***

7. Oh phew, it’s Justin Theroux! I’ve been a fan of his since he popped up on Alias years and years ago. I’m back in. Also, nice sweatpants. #fiftyshadesofgrey

8. I’m all for rescuing dogs, but this one seems a bit Cujo/Pet Cemetery for my comfort. Proceed with caution, sweatpants.

9. He just shot that dog! WTF?!? Babies and dogs in the first two minutes – what fresh hell is this, Lindelof?!

10. Disheveled woman waking up for a smoke – I think that might be The Living Reminder of an actress I once knew named Amy Brenneman. I hope this look is for the show...otherwise, ouch.

11. Buddy Garrity!!! That’s Brad Leland from Friday Night Lights playing the congressman. Thank you, Peter Berg.

12. “We are Living Reminders” – Ahhhhh, now I get the name of Mary and Blake’s podcast! Relieved to learn it’s not a Nicholas Sparks book title or a Precious Moments collection. I’m also a tad freaked out by the “Guilty Remnant” author line of that quote. This can’t be good.

13. The smoking is killing me. There’s something odd about the purity of all-white clothing juxtaposed against the blackening of one’s insides. The last time Damon Lindelof dabbled in these colors, we got this.

14. The cult is mute. WTF. If they mention Marshall Applewhite, don new Nikes and start tracking the Comet Hale-Bopp, I’m out. And yet, they feel eerily like The Others. Damn, now I’m back in.

15. Especially now that I see the cult leader is played by Ann Dowd. She scares me here, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

16. “I’m fairly certain, sir, that God sat this one out.” Whoa.

17. Is that a real buck?

18. Wait, dogs disappeared three years ago too? The people count is 140 million, but what’s the animal count?

19. These flashback cutaways are intriguing and intense. Like Family Guy, but not.

20. My parents always taught not to get in a late-model van with strangers who might blindfold you. But this kid seems prophetic and solid. I approve, Buddy Garrity.

21. “They’re heroes because no one’s going to come to a parade on ‘we don’t know what the fuck happened day’.” LOL. Also, true story.

22. The cult has a name! The Guilty Remnant (GR). We like the color white, living in the suburbs and apparently high school girls’ field hockey (??). Oh right, they’re stalking Jill.

23. Peter Berg himself! The gatekeeper. To a desert cult. Wait, there's a second cult?

24. The score of this show is hauntingly perfect.

25. The build up to this dude Wayne is over the top… Jacob in the cabin, anyone?

26. Why does the desert cult have a pool deck full of beautiful, young Asian girls eating fruit?

27. Whoaaaaaaaa, the sweet tortured Tom is Chief Garvey’s son!

28. Call me crazy, but I am already sucked in by Justin Theroux… who makes a better Jack Shephard.

29. Annnnnd, the awesomely dark teenage Jill is his daughter. I really like this actress, who reminds me of a far more likable Kristen Stewart.

30. There’s a wide-spread recognition and familiarity to the white-clad GR showing up at random, but imagine if you were the first person they stalked, cigarette ablaze.

31. I just became beyond totally frightened to have a teenager one day. Leftover world, or not. ***races in to hug sleeping three-year old***

32. The shot of Jill in bed with this kid – Al Green in the background – has to be the most depressing shot on television in quite some time.

33. I love the kid’s theory that the disappearance has made the dogs all go nuts and that the left-behind humans will too, it’s just taking longer. I was thinking the same.

34. “Grace period is over, Tom. It’s time to go to work.” Yikes.

35. I bet the farm he just hit a deer. Better yet, a buck. Boom. But it’s a dream. I’ll accept any hallucination that has Justin Theroux on the floor in boxer briefs. Sorry, not sorry. #eyecandy

36. There’s something fishy about Garvey always being wrong about what time it is / late.

37. Speaking of it’s time to go to work, the GR cult is out in masses for Heroes Day.

38. Yep, pretty much. If this is like Lost, I’ll find out sometime around 2021.

39. Chief Garvey in uniform, aviators – all day every day, and twice on Sunday.

40. “She beat her children.” This isn’t like Left Behind anymore. That one for sure left behind all wife and child beaters.

41. Well that’s a creepily inappropriate statue. Seems important. ***commits to memory***

42. I love this woman playing Nora Durst – Carrie Coon. She was a bright spot in Gone Girl as Ben Affleck’s sister.

43. Right about now, Chief Garvey’s all “I told you so.” As my husband likes to say, SGR (shit’s getting real). Hey, I’m just proud of him for cleaning up his language around the kid.

44. Double or nothing, mute Amy Brenneman HAS to be his wife. I’m not even that quick, it’s just that obvious in this fight scene.

45. Gary Busey made the cut? That made me laugh out loud.

46. The context of this show just grew more intriguing – the focus is on a family who, technically, lost no one on that day. Though you’d never know it. Mom’s gone AWOL, son buddied up with a desert cult, daughter pantomimes suicide and the dad is hanging on by one very loose thread.

47. Meg joins the cult and Patty breaks her silence, but she won’t speak again. Say whaaaa?

48. And we’re hallucinating again. The buck stops here. Anyone else’s brain going to Oceanic flight 815 and this?

49. “They’re not our dogs anymore.”

50. Justin Theroux’s tears, the gunshots and this score. Yes, yes and yes. Bring on episode 2!

Who's binge watching season 1 again to prep for Sunday's premiere?  How off the mark am I? Wait, don't tell me. 

Do you want more chat about The Leftovers? Get your fix by listening to The Living Reminders Podcast with detailed show discussion and amazing interviews with cast, crew, writers and directors of The Leftovers on HBO.